I'm so glad men like you are in the world! Thank you for this and everything you're doing to further this conversation with men. They need more leaders and role models like you.
Both, shocking and moving. Thank you for shining so much light on the shadow of violence. May all of us who've inherited violence choose different more often than not.
The text is brilliant, and at the same time it is in the tradition of the behavior described. Ironically asking someone to take their “wrong” behavior to the extreme is a popular shaming technique. The addressee feels accused and will certainly not question his behavior.
Another point is the disclaimer that “we are all” dominant. This seemed very self-reflective, but at the end of the day the dominant men are probably always the others and the author may see himself as a phenotype of the future man. Shadow work jargon and shadow work are different or complementary phenomena.
A third point: the phallus symbol, which is supposed to symbolize these unhealthy behaviours - which is actually a shame. A healthy masculinity should not associate dominance behavior with an erect penis, right?
Thank you for your thoughtful, spot-on critique. I am with you.
I also trust that men thoroughly and unironically stuck in their domination patterns probably wouldn't be reading my work. There would be little in it for them. I would love to be wrong about that.
Curious about your point about 'we are all dominant'. I do not exclude myself from having the same conditioning, patterns, beliefs, and behavior of any other man.
These things come through me too, and I work to become more aware of where they come from and their impacts. I want freedom for others who are subjected to my unconscious material, and freedom for myself as well.
Thirdly. you've also a great point about the symbolism of the phallus.
What sort of imagery might you have chosen for this piece?
Thank you for your detailed answer. I always think a lot about this ‘we’, with which often authors readily confess to being affected by what is being criticized. Sometimes it almost seems to me like a rhetorical figure with which one absolves oneself of the accusation of projecting and losing oneself in one-sided recriminations.
I'm not saying that's the case in your case! But I find it interesting to think about whether psychologically there is such a thing as pseudo-integration, where the ‘persona’ of a person believes themselves to have done successful shadow work and, for example, admits to aggressive and violent tendencies.
This may be particularly the case if ‘the integration of dark parts’ is a highly valued goal within the respective group. But at the same time there may not have been any real contact with these dark aspects and the illusion of shadow work forms an additional screen over the shadow part, so to speak.
Okay sorry - it's perhaps a bit complicated and over-thinking. Imagery is not so easy. Something with fake strength or weapons?
You’re on to something important here. There’s a lot of people who talk about shadow work who don’t seem to have done much. I’ve been one of them. Even now, I’ve done a fair bit of shadow work, and I’ve still got a lot more to do. Fatherhood, marriage, and business ownership makes that clear to me daily.
I’m not sure that having done shadow work and admitting to aggressive or violent tendencies are mutually exclusive. Of course I’d love to believe that any man on his path of becoming more aware, attuned, and connected to his own depth and healing potential will automatically curtail all of the ways he perpetuates pain and even abuse. But that’s simply not the case.
What I try to do differently from most, especially the more outspoken folks here on Substack, is welcome all of those parts into the room. If a man is willing to step into being witnessed in his shame, there’s something in him that’s ready to open, ready to change. So we feed that part, instead of the shame. It’s simple work, yet often very difficult and sometimes profound.
“If a man is willing to step into being witnessed in his shame, there’s something in him that’s ready to open, ready to change. So we feed that part, instead of the shame.”
There is no choice but to grasp the irony. I’m not sure irony is enough. Bitter bitter irony. It is very very moving because we don’t need to go there, we already are there, as victims, as witnesses, and and sometimes through honest self reflection and shame. I loved your suggestions for practice at the end of the piece. Your reminder to be mindful wiping the counter and letting others pass while driving and things like that are wonderful. It is in those moments that we find the silent and intrinsic nature of the truth within ourselves in a quiet and gentle way. If I can make a suggestion in terms of the micro movements of the foot for balance please consider the tripod structure of the foot. This is how we organize and control its movement. With the hand we have conscious control of each digit but with the foot we essentially have the heel and the two levers emanating from the two bones of the lower leg. These culminate in the ball of the big toe and the “flank” or ball of the little toes, which acts as an outrigger of sorts to the dominant power of the axial line found in the big toe.
Wow, cool! Thanks for teaching me about foot mechanics! Love that.
also thanks for seeing the message beneath the content here. there is something valuable about those quiet moments of truth within, when we are willing to make space for them.
Because of its involvement in the axial line the big toe functions as a haptic bony servo mechanism within the larger system and is directly connected with the pubic bone in the groin, another such bony servo. Balance can be seen as piece by piece but is integrally connected from head to toe of course. The same is true for the synergistic kinesiological (bony) functions of grounding, stability, centering and lift. We can find all of these functions to be familiar and operable through our centrally located and prominent major bony servo mechanisms. This is my anatomical theory of bio mechanical enlightenment.
I'm so glad men like you are in the world! Thank you for this and everything you're doing to further this conversation with men. They need more leaders and role models like you.
Thank you for your kind words. ⚓️
Both, shocking and moving. Thank you for shining so much light on the shadow of violence. May all of us who've inherited violence choose different more often than not.
The text is brilliant, and at the same time it is in the tradition of the behavior described. Ironically asking someone to take their “wrong” behavior to the extreme is a popular shaming technique. The addressee feels accused and will certainly not question his behavior.
Another point is the disclaimer that “we are all” dominant. This seemed very self-reflective, but at the end of the day the dominant men are probably always the others and the author may see himself as a phenotype of the future man. Shadow work jargon and shadow work are different or complementary phenomena.
A third point: the phallus symbol, which is supposed to symbolize these unhealthy behaviours - which is actually a shame. A healthy masculinity should not associate dominance behavior with an erect penis, right?
Thank you for your thoughtful, spot-on critique. I am with you.
I also trust that men thoroughly and unironically stuck in their domination patterns probably wouldn't be reading my work. There would be little in it for them. I would love to be wrong about that.
Curious about your point about 'we are all dominant'. I do not exclude myself from having the same conditioning, patterns, beliefs, and behavior of any other man.
These things come through me too, and I work to become more aware of where they come from and their impacts. I want freedom for others who are subjected to my unconscious material, and freedom for myself as well.
Thirdly. you've also a great point about the symbolism of the phallus.
What sort of imagery might you have chosen for this piece?
Thank you for your detailed answer. I always think a lot about this ‘we’, with which often authors readily confess to being affected by what is being criticized. Sometimes it almost seems to me like a rhetorical figure with which one absolves oneself of the accusation of projecting and losing oneself in one-sided recriminations.
I'm not saying that's the case in your case! But I find it interesting to think about whether psychologically there is such a thing as pseudo-integration, where the ‘persona’ of a person believes themselves to have done successful shadow work and, for example, admits to aggressive and violent tendencies.
This may be particularly the case if ‘the integration of dark parts’ is a highly valued goal within the respective group. But at the same time there may not have been any real contact with these dark aspects and the illusion of shadow work forms an additional screen over the shadow part, so to speak.
Okay sorry - it's perhaps a bit complicated and over-thinking. Imagery is not so easy. Something with fake strength or weapons?
You’re on to something important here. There’s a lot of people who talk about shadow work who don’t seem to have done much. I’ve been one of them. Even now, I’ve done a fair bit of shadow work, and I’ve still got a lot more to do. Fatherhood, marriage, and business ownership makes that clear to me daily.
I’m not sure that having done shadow work and admitting to aggressive or violent tendencies are mutually exclusive. Of course I’d love to believe that any man on his path of becoming more aware, attuned, and connected to his own depth and healing potential will automatically curtail all of the ways he perpetuates pain and even abuse. But that’s simply not the case.
What I try to do differently from most, especially the more outspoken folks here on Substack, is welcome all of those parts into the room. If a man is willing to step into being witnessed in his shame, there’s something in him that’s ready to open, ready to change. So we feed that part, instead of the shame. It’s simple work, yet often very difficult and sometimes profound.
“If a man is willing to step into being witnessed in his shame, there’s something in him that’s ready to open, ready to change. So we feed that part, instead of the shame.”
That touched me, thank you.
There is no choice but to grasp the irony. I’m not sure irony is enough. Bitter bitter irony. It is very very moving because we don’t need to go there, we already are there, as victims, as witnesses, and and sometimes through honest self reflection and shame. I loved your suggestions for practice at the end of the piece. Your reminder to be mindful wiping the counter and letting others pass while driving and things like that are wonderful. It is in those moments that we find the silent and intrinsic nature of the truth within ourselves in a quiet and gentle way. If I can make a suggestion in terms of the micro movements of the foot for balance please consider the tripod structure of the foot. This is how we organize and control its movement. With the hand we have conscious control of each digit but with the foot we essentially have the heel and the two levers emanating from the two bones of the lower leg. These culminate in the ball of the big toe and the “flank” or ball of the little toes, which acts as an outrigger of sorts to the dominant power of the axial line found in the big toe.
Dominant. I said it. It’s not always bad.
Sigh.
Wow, cool! Thanks for teaching me about foot mechanics! Love that.
also thanks for seeing the message beneath the content here. there is something valuable about those quiet moments of truth within, when we are willing to make space for them.
Because of its involvement in the axial line the big toe functions as a haptic bony servo mechanism within the larger system and is directly connected with the pubic bone in the groin, another such bony servo. Balance can be seen as piece by piece but is integrally connected from head to toe of course. The same is true for the synergistic kinesiological (bony) functions of grounding, stability, centering and lift. We can find all of these functions to be familiar and operable through our centrally located and prominent major bony servo mechanisms. This is my anatomical theory of bio mechanical enlightenment.
Nice post - I wonder if some will grasp irony :) but it does lay this out clearly.
I hope people get it, and if they don’t, maybe there’s something important about that too..