Tending the container
Part II: Structure
Think of a man in your life whom you trust, respect, or admire. Maybe a father, teacher, mentor, leader, or co-worker. If there’s no one like that in your life, think of a character from a story.
What is his posture like?
How does he use his voice?
How does he speak about things or people?
How do you feel when he is present with you?
What do you remember most clearly about this person?
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Greetings. Welcome to Into the Fire, where we explore the intersection of men’s work and psychedelic integration.
This is the second post in a four-part series introducing a framework for men working toward internal freedom from cultural conditioning, healing from trauma, and learning how to connect deeply with your Self, others, and the land.
In the last post, we spoke about the first of the four pillars—Groundwork—which is all about cultivating awareness. In this post, we’ll get curious about Structure, or foundation of who you are.
You can think of Structure as a foundational skill set, or a deep reservoir from which you pull in order to show up for hard things while staying present, loving, and non-reactive. Like any reservoir, yours must be consistently tended, filled up, that you and others may benefit.
This is where Practice becomes imperative to your path of cultivating yourself.
Next week, we’ll talk more about Expansion, or what’s possible by diving mindfully into inner psychedelic space, especially with groups.
If you have ever felt benefit from my work, please engage by subscribing, liking posts, and commenting.
Whoever you are, you are welcome here.
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What Matters
As men, we are trained to think and live as if the things we do and say, matter.
They don’t. Not really.
What matters is how we move through the world.
What matters is who we are upstream of doing.
How honest are you with yourself? With others?
Are you willing to face your own ‘darkness’?
How do others perceive you?
How safe do you feel moving through the world?
Which masks or protections do you employ to ensure your safety?
Are they necessary, at this point in your life?
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You will be more powerfully remembered by who you are and how you show up with others than by anything you accomplish or do.
In a world full of creative innovators constantly pushing technology into new frontiers, this can be a difficult truth to accept.
Think back to the man you considered a moment ago.
What value did or does he bring into your life?
How is that value connected to the things he has outwardly accomplished, if at all?
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Building the home in which you will live until you die
When building a house, the most important elements which contribute to its integrity, quality, and soundness are the foundation, wall and roof systems, and, depending on climate, water management system.
Most folks take these things for granted because they do not typically see them.
Consider a house built well, atop solid earth; a home that can withstand the elements; a home flexible enough to be adapted as the needs and relationships within and around it change over time.
Modern home-builders would go a step further and say that it is important that a house produces at least what it consumes in energy, but ideally contributes energy forward, whether through power, water, or other means.
Homes that are cared for and maintained well over time will last, gathering stories, and serving as hubs for family and community, for many generations.
The same can be said for the consciousness-bearing meatsuit which is your first home.
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You Can’t Unring the Bell
How you are in each moment is how you are in each moment of your life.
If you’re angry, vindictive, dishonest, or tightly contracted in your body, you can count on those patterns not just rippling out and affecting everyone in your orbit, but also continuing to play out within you until you die.
Of course, you have choice in the matter. You may or may not like the choices available, as some paths of healing and connection involve deeply questioning the stories you tell yourself about the world, how other people work, and about yourself.
The path may involve temporarily setting down the gun, the pen, the armor, the masks—just for a while.
Whether you’re sheltered from the real world or incarcerated within it, there is a path to gaining internal freedom. Pursuing this path can become a pattern that ripples out to all of your relationships, and will play out in some way until you die. The path does not glitter, and there is no fixed destination.
Once you begin it, however, as George Clinton said, you can’t unring the bell.
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The Work
The work, should you choose to accept it, is to practice coming home into your Self, to bring your awareness to the way you live, relate to yourself, relate to others, and relate to the earth. It is to question what you believe is true, or false. It is to sit in the fire of discomfort, uncertainy, and change.
In this way, you can build integrity and soundness into your own foundation. Ironincally, building a more solid Self will help you become more flexible and adaptable to the change in life which is both inevitable and exponential.
How do you come home to your Self, that You who is curious, clear, compassionate, kind?
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Why are you here?
As you continue on your path toward death, what is most important to you?
What do you value?
Why are you on this planet?
When you are able to answer this question, your path in each moment will become crystal clear.
When potential answers arrive, ask yourself: is this true for me? is this mine?
Perhaps there is a deep calling within you. Perhaps you want to be a strong husband, a good father, a successful entrepreneur.
Consider a man who has cultivated integrity and awareness in his body, relationships, and life.
What does that even mean, or look like?
Consider a man who…
neither turns away from, nor initiates, conflict.
knows what he fears, but does not fear himself.
knows his purpose, and lives with a clear sense of why he does what he does and for whom.
is unafraid to feel joy, express laughter, or sadness, or even anger, while remaining connected to himself and others.
Who is this man? What does he love? What has he seen in this life?
If these qualities do not ring true for you, replace them with your own.
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Consider again who you are at this moment in your life.
What do you like or love about yourself?
What do you want for yourself?
What’s in the way of you getting what you want for yourself?
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Slow down and sit with some of these questions this week.
Notice the moments when you become distracted, fall into familiar patterns, or want something different for yourself. Then, notice how you respond to those things.